When Albert Einstein died, he met three New Zealanders in the queue outside the Pearly Gates. To pass the time, he asked what were their IQs.

The first replied 190.

"Wonderful," exclaimed Einstein. "We can discuss the contribution made by Ernest Rutherford to atomic physics and my theory of general relativity".

The second answered 150.

"Good," said Einstein. "I look forward to discussing the role of New Zealand's nuclear-free legislation in the quest for world peace".

The third New Zealander mumbled 50.

Einstein paused, and then asked, "So what is your forecast for the budget deficit next year?"

When drawing up the guest list for a dinner party, inviting more than 25% economists ruins the conversation

The difference between an economist and a statistician: people believe what economists say about the future, but not what statisticians say about the past.

Selling Stocks
You never know how soon it is too late.
When things go wrong, don't go with them.
If you are in a hole, stop digging.

Buying Stocks
If anything can go wrong, it will.
If anything can't go wrong, it will.
If you know something can go wrong, and take due precautions against it, something else will go wrong.
You will never run out of things that can go wrong.
Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.
The less you do, the less can go wrong.
You can never tell which way the train will go by looking at the track.
Always assume that your assumption is invalid.

"Customer Service" (of financial sites)
If you don't know the answer, someone will ask the question.
You don't have to explain something you never said.
If you want to make enemies, try to change something.
Be kind to everyone you talk with. You never know who's going to be on the jury.
Never be too right too often.
The only changes that are easily adopted are changes for the worse.
The less you have to do, the slower you do it.
Always do exactly what your boss would do if he knew what he was talking about.
The e-mail never comes when you have nothing to do.
The less you say, the less you have to retract.

You're solvent if you don't have to smooth down your hair and straighten your tie when you go into the bank for a loan.

"I'm not saying that the customer service in my stock brokerage office is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance ... She leaned over and pushed me."

A stockbroker was in the hospital, when the nurse took his temperature he asked "how much it is?"

"102, sir."

He replied "Sell it when it gets to 103."