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Heidi B  
#161 Posted : Tuesday, September 30, 2008 9:03:18 AM(UTC)
Heidi B

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Location: Salt Lake City

Two economists were walking down the street when they noticed two women yelling across the street at each other from their apartment windows.

Of course they will never come to agreement, stated the first economist.

And why is that, inquired his companion,

Why, of course, because they are arguing from different premises.

Heidi B  
#162 Posted : Wednesday, October 1, 2008 9:44:38 AM(UTC)
Heidi B

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Location: Salt Lake City

A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated." "And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?"

The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service and write on the envelope, "Now you have everything."

Heidi B  
#163 Posted : Thursday, October 2, 2008 9:07:54 AM(UTC)
Heidi B

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An American businessman sent one of his Advertising/ Marketing people to Rome to try and get the Pope to record "Give us each our daily coke." The P.R. man came back empty handed. He had offered the Pope $500,000 dollars and had been turned down. His boss commented, "Turned down half a million bucks! I wonder how much the bakeries are paying him?"

Heidi B  
#164 Posted : Friday, October 3, 2008 8:38:32 AM(UTC)
Heidi B

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Joined: 9/22/2008(UTC)
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Location: Salt Lake City

An unscrupulous businessman was feeling very ill and went to the doctor. The doctor examined him and backed away, saying, "I'm sorry to tell you this, but you have an advanced case of highly infectious rabies. You must have had it for some time. It will almost certainly be fatal."

"Could you give me a pen and paper?" said the businessman.

"Do you want to write your will?"

"No, I want to make a list of all the people I want to bite."

Heidi B  
#165 Posted : Monday, October 6, 2008 11:45:43 AM(UTC)
Heidi B

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Joined: 9/22/2008(UTC)
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Location: Salt Lake City

Two economists are walking down the street. One sees a dollar lying on the sidewalk, and says so.

"Obviously not," says the other. "If there were, someone would have picked it up!"

Heidi B  
#166 Posted : Tuesday, October 7, 2008 11:58:28 AM(UTC)
Heidi B

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Location: Salt Lake City

An economist returns to visit his old school. He's interested in the current exam questions and asks his old professor to show some. To his surprise they are exactly the same ones to which he had answered 10 years ago! When he asks about this the professor answers: "the questions are always the same - only the answers change!"

Heidi B  
#167 Posted : Wednesday, October 8, 2008 11:22:46 AM(UTC)
Heidi B

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A woman hears from her doctor that she has only half a year to live. The doctor advises her to marry an economist and to live in South Dakota. The woman asks: will this cure my illness? Answer of the doctor: No, but the half year will seem pretty long.

Heidi B  
#168 Posted : Thursday, October 9, 2008 9:07:26 AM(UTC)
Heidi B

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Location: Salt Lake City

When I asked my boss for a salary rise because I was doing the work of three men he said he couldn't increase my pay, but if I told him the names of the three men he'd fire them.

Heidi B  
#169 Posted : Friday, October 10, 2008 12:50:58 PM(UTC)
Heidi B

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Tariff -- A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer.

Economy -- Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford.

Heidi B  
#170 Posted : Tuesday, October 14, 2008 11:35:09 AM(UTC)
Heidi B

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Location: Salt Lake City

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food.

The concierge tells him he's in luck, there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza.

Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza.

The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, "What the heck did you put on this pizza?"

The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put on the pizza what you ordered: pepper only."

Heidi B  
#171 Posted : Thursday, October 16, 2008 11:46:58 AM(UTC)
Heidi B

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A mathematical economist came sailing by on an ice boat, and pulled to the shore beside the surf-fishing economist to scoff. "You'll never catch any fish that way," said the mathematical economist. "Jump on my ice-boat and we'll go trawling."

Heidi B  
#172 Posted : Friday, October 17, 2008 9:53:40 AM(UTC)
Heidi B

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Joined: 9/22/2008(UTC)
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Location: Salt Lake City

A bigshot business man had to spend a couple of days in the hospital.

He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.

The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She walked into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."

After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.

"No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer."

This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind.

After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"

She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door, laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor comes into the room.

"What's going on here?" asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken before?"

After a pause, the doctor replies, "Yes, but never with a daffodil!"

Heidi B  
#173 Posted : Tuesday, October 21, 2008 10:52:44 AM(UTC)
Heidi B

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Location: Salt Lake City

The door bell, rings, and a man answers it.

Here stands this plain but well dressed kid, saying, "Trick or Treat!"

The man asks the kids what he is dressed up like for Halloween.

The kid replies, "I'm an IRS agent."

Then the kid takes 40 percent of the man's candy, leaves, and doesn't say thank you.

Heidi B  
#174 Posted : Wednesday, October 22, 2008 12:56:15 PM(UTC)
Heidi B

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Joined: 9/22/2008(UTC)
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Location: Salt Lake City

A very successful investor was ready to pass on his $100 billion fortune to his three sons. However, he had always feared that his sons would be spoiled and not have any ambition other than party all the time. After much thought he decided he would split his fortune between his sons but not evenly. He devised a competition for them where the winner would be given 75% of his fortune, the second place finisher 20% and the one who finished last would be given only 5%.

The rules were simple. Each son would be given $500,000 and they would have 3 months to invest it and they would be ranked at the end of the competition by how high their portfolio grew. They were also given $200,000 each that they could only use as portfolio expenditures. He wanted them to learn how to make money but learn how one would utilize resources and work with others effectively to achieve goals.

The first son used his $200,000 by hiring the best scholars around. $50,000 for an Economist with a PHD, $50,000 for a mathematician and $100,000 for a Business professor from Harvard.

The first son's portfolio grew to $750,000.

The second son used his $200,000 to hire some of the brightest minds on Wall street. $100,000 for 2 successful Fund managers and a $100,000 for an analyst.

The second son's portfolio grew to $1,000,000.

The youngest son began spending the $200,000 throwing weekend parties, taking friends to concerts, and going on trips.

His portfolio grew to $10,000,000!!

"Wow son how did you do that?"

"Well dad. I spent $10,000 for the land, $50 for the rocks, $100 for the gold spray paint, $10,000 for the helicopter, $10,000 for the ex-geologist, $100,000 for the shell, and the rest on parties and concerts for the brokers, analysts and writers.

Heidi B  
#175 Posted : Thursday, October 23, 2008 10:56:26 AM(UTC)
Heidi B

Rank: Advanced Member

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Joined: 9/22/2008(UTC)
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Location: Salt Lake City

An American, Australian and Englishman where stranded together on a desert island.

After many years together, one day the three men were walking on the beach when they saw an old bottle than had been washed up.

Immediately the American opened the bottle. There was a flash and a loud bang and a Genie appeared.

The Genie said" I have been trapped in that bottle for a 1000 years, and as a reward I will give you all one wish"

The American straight away said "I want to go back home to New York"

With a wave of the Genie's hand, the American disappeared.

The Australian said "Please send me back to my home in Sydney"

"No Problem", the Genie answered. And the Australian disappeared.

Suddenly there was a loud crash.

Behind the Genie and the Englishman, a giant pink elephant had just fallen out of the sky onto the beach.

The elephant picked himself up and looked around.

He then looked at the Genie and the Englishman and said apologetically, "Sorry chaps, I appear to be the wrong joke!"

Heidi B  
#176 Posted : Wednesday, October 29, 2008 12:24:37 PM(UTC)
Heidi B

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Location: Salt Lake City

Computer novices may feel like they're alone these days, but some of the following calls to IBM's help center show there are plenty of people out there who still are inching onto the information superhighway.

After a caller gave a technician her PC's serial number, he scanned a database of registered users and responded, "I see you have an Aptiva" desktop unit. Before he could say another word, the caller shrieked and said she'd be right back. When the customer returned, the technician asked if she was all right. The caller responded: "Had I realized you could see me, I never would have telephoned in my bathrobe."

A customer who had just received a laptop computer asked about the power-saving feature known as "hibernate." Would this hibernate device work in the spring and summer, the caller asked.

Another caller explained she had received a gift of software on 5.25-inch diskettes, but she had only a 3.5-inch disk drive on her computer. The technician said she had two options: Get a second disk drive, or use 3.5-inch diskettes. The customer called back later, now complaining that her disk drive was making a terrible noise. And this despite the fact that she was using a 3.5-inch diskette, she said. After a bunch of questions, the technician determined the caller had used a pair of scissors to trim the 5.25-inch diskettes to fit the 3.5-inch drive.

A caller, perplexed that his new desktop computer - the one that was supposed to do everything short of bringing on world peace - was doing nothing, cried out for help. No problem, the IBM technician said. First, open a "window" to launch a specific program. The conversation continued, and the caller asked a few moments later if it might be all right to close the window. Why, the IBM technician asked. Because, the caller responded, it was getting very chilly.

Heidi B  
#177 Posted : Monday, November 3, 2008 10:49:55 AM(UTC)
Heidi B

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Location: Salt Lake City

I was in the airport VIP lounge in route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago. While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink.

I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late.

Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said, "Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor."

"Yes?"

"I'm sitting right over there," pointing to my seat at the bar, "and I'm waiting on a very important client. Would you be so kind when she arrives as to come walk by and just say, 'Hi, Ray,'?"

"Sure."

I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat.

About ten minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk business.

A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates.

"Hi, Ray," he said.

I replied, "Get lost Gates, I'm in a meeting."

Heidi B  
#178 Posted : Wednesday, November 5, 2008 11:20:55 AM(UTC)
Heidi B

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It's not easy being an economist. How would you like to go through life pretending you knew what M1 was all about?

Heidi B  
#179 Posted : Thursday, November 6, 2008 10:02:35 AM(UTC)
Heidi B

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Location: Salt Lake City

Berta's Fundamental Law of Economic Rents..

"The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist."

Heidi B  
#180 Posted : Friday, November 7, 2008 2:26:20 PM(UTC)
Heidi B

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Joined: 9/22/2008(UTC)
Posts: 114
Location: Salt Lake City

An economist is someone who doesn't know what he's talking about - and make you feel it's your fault.
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