There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand.

This virus is called Weary-Overload- Recreation- Killer (WORK).

If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT.

This virus will wipe out your private life completely!!

If you should come into contact with WORK, put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest grocery store.

Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolating- Neutralizer- Extract (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer -Elimination- Rebooter (BEER).

Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

Q: What's the difference between a pigeon and a stockbroker?

A: The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.

Why is a BMW a stockbroker's favorite car?

Because he can't spell Porsche.

His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, "Bob, how did you get the trophy girlfriend?" Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!" They're amazed, but continue to ask. "So, how did you persuade her to marry you?" "I lied about my age," Bob replies "What, did you tell her you were only 50?" Bob smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."

A man walking in the countryside meets a shepherd and a big flock of sheep.

The man tells the shepherd: "I will bet you 1000 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock."

The shepherd thinks it over; it's a big flock so he takes the bet.

"855," says the man.

The shepherd is amazed, because this is the exact number. Says "OK, I'm a man of my word, take a sheep."

Man picks one up and starts walking away.

"Wait," shouts the shepherd, "Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation!"

Man says "OK."

"You are an economist working for the government," says the shepherd.

"Amazing!" responds the man, "You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you conclude to that?"

"Well," says the shepherd, "put down my dog and I will tell you!"

Feudalism: You have two cows. Your Lord takes some of the milk.

Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

Communism: You have two cows. Your neighbors help take care of them and you share the milk.

Militarism: You have two cows. The State takes both and drafts you.

Mafia: You have two cows. You give one to the Godfather on the day of his daughter's wedding. In return, he doesn't have your legs broken.

Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government takes them both and denies they ever existed and drafts you into the army. Milk is banned.

Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

Enron Venture Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority share-holder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

Three market makers and three investors were going for a trip by train. Before the journey, the investors bought 3 tickets but the market makers only bought one.

The investors were glad that the stupid market makers were going to pay a fine. However, when the conductor was approaching their compartment, all three market makers went to the toilet.

The conductor, noticing that somebody was in the toilet, knocked on the door. In reply he saw a hand with one ticket. He checked it and the market makers saved 2/3 of the ticket price.

The next day, the investors decided to use the same strategy- they bought only one ticket. The market makers did not buy any tickets at all!

When the investors saw the conductor, they went straight for the toilet, and when they heard the knocking they handed in their one ticket. They did not get it back. The market makers took it and went to the other toilet!

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel! I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37." "And that's how you built an empire?" the boy asked. "Heavens, no!" the man replied. "Then my wife"s father died and left us two million dollars."