Its simple task, if true write "Below" and if false write "Above"

I wrote a command in a column name title "MACD<0"

if(MACD()<0,"BELOW","ABOVE")

but received error "the text that begins with this quote is not being used in a valid location"

How to proceed ?

2. Is there a function that can capture computer system date ?. I want to filter/compare the stock record date with the computer date. What I wrote ;

 (year()=2015) and (month()=11) and (dayofmonth()=30)

{to filter delisted stock, only take stock as at current date 30/11/2015 }

Tq.