Rank: Advanced Member
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Joined: 9/10/2004(UTC)
Posts: 863
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
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:) I needed a laugh this afternoon and figured someone else might need one too.
In a small town, farmers of the community had gotten together to discuss some important issues. About midway through the meeting, a wife of one of the farmers stood up and spoke her piece.
One of the old farmers stood up and said, "What does she know about anything? I would like to ask her if she knows how many toes a pig has?"
Quick as a flash, the woman replied, "Take off your boots sir, and count them yourself!"
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As a traveling salesman I cover a large rural territory and often find myself running behind schedule. One day, to make up time, I decided to ignore a road sign stating travel on a new stretch of highway was inadvisable. To be on the safe side, I asked a local merchant if the road was passable, and he assured me it was. In fact, he said, a funeral procession had traveled over it just a few days earlier.
The road out of town was indeed smooth, and I was just about to congratulate myself when I crested a hill and landed up to my axle in mud. I realized immediately that I would need help to get out. I remembered passing a farm not too far back so, trudging through the mud, I knocked at the door and explained my predicament.
"Look," the farmer replied with disgust, "if you guys can't read road signs, I'm not helping you. Just last Tuesday I pulled out a whole darn funeral procession!"
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered, Registered Users
Joined: 3/19/2005(UTC)
Posts: 2,995
Was thanked: 14 time(s) in 10 post(s)
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Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains the two of them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
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