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Heidi B  
#181 Posted : Monday, November 10, 2008 9:06:40 AM(UTC)
Heidi B

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Joined: 9/22/2008(UTC)
Posts: 114
Location: Salt Lake City

The definition of "waste": a busload of stock brokers plunging over a precipice with three of the seats unoccupied.

Heidi B  
#182 Posted : Tuesday, November 11, 2008 11:05:39 AM(UTC)
Heidi B

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Location: Salt Lake City

"I'm a walking economy," a man was overheard to say.
"My hairline's in recession, my waist is a victim of inflation, and together they're putting me in a deep depression."
Heidi B  
#183 Posted : Wednesday, November 12, 2008 11:04:36 AM(UTC)
Heidi B

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Location: Salt Lake City

Economics is like red whine - you shouldn't smell it but drink it, but if you drink too much on one occasion, there is a risk for dizziness.

Heidi B  
#184 Posted : Friday, November 14, 2008 11:12:31 AM(UTC)
Heidi B

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Location: Salt Lake City

When Albert Einstein died, he met three New Zealanders in the queue outside the Pearly Gates. To pass the time, he asked what were their IQs.

The first replied 190.

"Wonderful," exclaimed Einstein. "We can discuss the contribution made by Ernest Rutherford to atomic physics and my theory of general relativity".

The second answered 150.

"Good," said Einstein. "I look forward to discussing the role of New Zealand's nuclear-free legislation in the quest for world peace".

The third New Zealander mumbled 50.

Einstein paused, and then asked, "So what is your forecast for the budget deficit next year?"

Heidi B  
#185 Posted : Monday, November 17, 2008 10:04:27 AM(UTC)
Heidi B

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Posts: 114
Location: Salt Lake City

Economics is the painful elaboration of the obvious

Heidi B  
#186 Posted : Thursday, November 20, 2008 12:08:56 PM(UTC)
Heidi B

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Joined: 9/22/2008(UTC)
Posts: 114
Location: Salt Lake City

When drawing up the guest list for a dinner party, inviting more than 25% economists ruins the conversation

Heidi B  
#187 Posted : Friday, December 5, 2008 4:32:42 PM(UTC)
Heidi B

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Joined: 9/22/2008(UTC)
Posts: 114
Location: Salt Lake City

There was this statistics student who, when driving his car, would always accelerate hard before coming to any junction, whizz straight over it , then slow down again once he'd got over it.

One day, he took a passenger, who was understandably unnerved by his driving style, and asked him why he went so fast over junctions.

The statistics student replied, "Well, statistically speaking, you are far more likely to have an accident at a junction, so I just make sure that I spend less time there.”
Heidi B  
#188 Posted : Tuesday, December 9, 2008 12:17:06 PM(UTC)
Heidi B

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Location: Salt Lake City

The difference between an economist and a statistician: people believe what economists say about the future, but not what statisticians say about the past.

Heidi B  
#189 Posted : Wednesday, December 10, 2008 3:02:26 PM(UTC)
Heidi B

Rank: Advanced Member

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Joined: 9/22/2008(UTC)
Posts: 114
Location: Salt Lake City

Developing Trading Strategies
Sometimes it takes several years to recognize the obvious.
The simpler it looks, the more problems it hides.

Heidi B  
#190 Posted : Thursday, December 11, 2008 2:13:57 PM(UTC)
Heidi B

Rank: Advanced Member

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Posts: 114
Location: Salt Lake City

Selling Stocks
You never know how soon it is too late.
When things go wrong, don't go with them.
If you are in a hole, stop digging.

Heidi B  
#191 Posted : Friday, December 12, 2008 11:04:52 AM(UTC)
Heidi B

Rank: Advanced Member

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Joined: 9/22/2008(UTC)
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Location: Salt Lake City

Following Trading Strategies
Being punctual means only that your mistake will be made on time.
A good place to start from is where you are.
To learn from you mistakes, you must realize that you are making mistakes.
Experience is what causes you to make new mistakes instead of old ones.
The best defense against logic is ignorance.

Heidi B  
#192 Posted : Tuesday, December 16, 2008 2:09:45 PM(UTC)
Heidi B

Rank: Advanced Member

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Joined: 9/22/2008(UTC)
Posts: 114
Location: Salt Lake City

Buying Stocks
If anything can go wrong, it will.
If anything can't go wrong, it will.
If you know something can go wrong, and take due precautions against it, something else will go wrong.
You will never run out of things that can go wrong.
Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.
The less you do, the less can go wrong.
You can never tell which way the train will go by looking at the track.
Always assume that your assumption is invalid.

Heidi B  
#193 Posted : Wednesday, December 17, 2008 11:58:38 AM(UTC)
Heidi B

Rank: Advanced Member

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Location: Salt Lake City

Things go wrong all at once, but things go right gradually.

Heidi B  
#194 Posted : Tuesday, December 23, 2008 4:45:07 PM(UTC)
Heidi B

Rank: Advanced Member

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Joined: 9/22/2008(UTC)
Posts: 114
Location: Salt Lake City

"Customer Service" (of financial sites)
If you don't know the answer, someone will ask the question.
You don't have to explain something you never said.
If you want to make enemies, try to change something.
Be kind to everyone you talk with. You never know who's going to be on the jury.
Never be too right too often.
The only changes that are easily adopted are changes for the worse.
The less you have to do, the slower you do it.
Always do exactly what your boss would do if he knew what he was talking about.
The e-mail never comes when you have nothing to do.
The less you say, the less you have to retract.

Heidi B  
#195 Posted : Wednesday, December 24, 2008 12:07:45 PM(UTC)
Heidi B

Rank: Advanced Member

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Joined: 9/22/2008(UTC)
Posts: 114
Location: Salt Lake City

A statistician is a person who draws a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion.

Heidi B  
#196 Posted : Wednesday, February 25, 2009 12:23:32 PM(UTC)
Heidi B

Rank: Advanced Member

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Joined: 9/22/2008(UTC)
Posts: 114
Location: Salt Lake City

You're solvent if you don't have to smooth down your hair and straighten your tie when you go into the bank for a loan.

Heidi B  
#197 Posted : Friday, February 27, 2009 3:40:19 PM(UTC)
Heidi B

Rank: Advanced Member

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Joined: 9/22/2008(UTC)
Posts: 114
Location: Salt Lake City

Question:

What does a hedge fund manager with no fund to manage say?

Answer:

Would you like fries with that sir?

Heidi B  
#198 Posted : Tuesday, March 3, 2009 9:02:02 AM(UTC)
Heidi B

Rank: Advanced Member

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Posts: 114
Location: Salt Lake City

"I'm not saying that the customer service in my stock brokerage office is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance ... She leaned over and pushed me."

Heidi B  
#199 Posted : Wednesday, March 4, 2009 10:58:34 AM(UTC)
Heidi B

Rank: Advanced Member

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Joined: 9/22/2008(UTC)
Posts: 114
Location: Salt Lake City

A crooked stock broker was in court for cheating thousands of people out of their hard earned money with an elaborate investment fraud scheme.

The District Attorney asked him how many people he had cheated, and the defendant, even with all the proof against him, replied, "None."

Surprised at the answer, the DA said, "Do you know what the penalty is for perjury sir?"

"I do as a matter of fact, and they are a lot less than the ones I'm currently facing," said the broker with a grin.

Heidi B  
#200 Posted : Thursday, March 5, 2009 9:30:34 AM(UTC)
Heidi B

Rank: Advanced Member

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Joined: 9/22/2008(UTC)
Posts: 114
Location: Salt Lake City

A stockbroker was in the hospital, when the nurse took his temperature he asked "how much it is?"

"102, sir."

He replied "Sell it when it gets to 103."

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